Anonymous Friend of Mine: “Why is cleavage okay but butt cracks aren’t?”
*While talking about those pants that used to be in style that would have things like ‘JUICY’ written across the butt*
Madina: I had a pair that had ‘TOMMY HILFIGER’ across the butt and when my dad saw it he was like, “Why do you like to wear pants that say “KISS MY BUTT”??
*While my parents enjoy their Florida vacation, I called my mom to ask her a question*
Me: Hey do we have ground beef at home?
Mom: Huh what? Brownies? No we don’t.
Me: No I said ground beef.
Mom: Bounty? No no. No bounty.
Me: Wowww. No. GROUND beef.
Me: GROUND BEEF Mom. Beef! From cows! Mooo!! You know, cows!!!
Mom: Black beans? No, but we have red beans.
when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank
they’re married now